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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

God's delays are deliberate....

(excerpt from a Joel Osteen blog....)

God’s delays are always deliberate; there is a reason for every closed door. There is a reason a promise has not yet come to pass. Many times God will close a door because we are thinking too small and he has something much greater in store for you. Just as God opens doors, he will close doors. On purpose he will delay things when he knows it’s not his best.


Your mind may be telling you its over, it’s too late, it’s never going to happen. The reason for the delay is that he is planning something greater. You are thinking of a healing, he is thinking of a resurrection. You may be thinking of how you will survive but God is thinking how you can thrive. Whenever you face a closed door, it seems like your dreams have died, it looks like God has sat down and the worst thing in the world happened. That is a sure sign that God is up to something big.

God’s delays are deliberate, just because you don’t see anything happening doesn’t mean God isn’t working. That delay, disappointment and interruption may look like your greatest attack. If you just stay in faith and keep being your best each day. One day you will look back and see how God used it for your greatest opportunity. The most high God is orchestrating it all, he is in complete control and he promises that all things are going to work together for your good.

Every setback is the not the enemy, every delay is not a mistake; every disappointment is not an accident. When you live with this confidence that the creator of the universe is directing your steps then you know that even a disappointment will ultimately work out for your good. You know God’s delays are deliberate. If something is not happening on your timetable then you best believe that it must be that God is planning something much bigger for you.

What may look like a mistake to you, what may seem like a disappointment doesn’t mean that God isn’t orchestrating it. You may never know why something is happening to you but you can rest assure that God somewhere someway is going to get something good out of it. Stay in faith keep believing your best days are still in front of you, if you have this right perspective then you will see God use you in amazing ways to help others and you will see God do amazing things in your own life. You will rise higher and higher accomplishing every dream, overcoming every obstacle, defeating every enemy. You will become everything God created you to be and you will have everything that God intended you to have.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Short end of the stick....

You ever feel like you've always gotten the short end of the stick? That all of the things you want...or think you want...are out of your grasp. Or you get a hold of it but then someone comes & does a karate chop on you & it forces you to drop it. Yeah that's how i feel. My whole life...I've only wanted a few things. Didn't think I was asking for much. And as an adult I've done almost all that i can to make those things come to pass...but yet at the end of the day....I'm still empty handed. I try not to spend so much time focusing on the things that I've lost. Because then I'll miss out on the blessings of all the things that I do have. But it's the human side of me to want to grieve for my "losses." I'm working hard to overcome my "it's not fair" syndrome. Don't want God to think I don't appreciate the things that he's done for me thus far & all of my blessings. But at the end of the day...it really would be nice to just have things work out in my favor. I feel like I've had enough life/learning experiences. I just want...happiness.

OK. pity party over.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

my willpower took a vacay!

not sure if it's stress. the heat. frustration. boredom. or my period. but this has def not been a good weekend on the journey. well meal wise, i've done pretty good w/staying w/in my calorie range. but snacking. oh my gosh. ice cream (albeit fat free). powdered donuts. baked chips. i jst couldn't get enough. i mean, this is why i try not to buy junk anymore (so far so good, i don't know if ppl realize how hard it was to end my love affair w/spicy nacho doritos). & i'm actually pretty good with weighing out the proper portions of my snacks. that's y i think it's something else that was going on that was making me eat so much this weekend! i even tried WW tricks like gum (which doesn't work because i alrdy chew gum 24/7). i tried staying busy. etc...none of that ish worked lol. I didn't even make it to the gym at all this weekend. Nor did i do any supplementary walks, dvds, bike rides. None of that. Just plain didn't feel like it.

beat myself up about it a bit. but got over it. it's gonna take a lot longer than 6months to undo more than 20yrs of bad habits. & i'm really proud of myself because i could've gone to the store and gotten doritos, and cookies, and cakes, or ordered whole pizzas and smashed like i used to. 2 little packs of donuts & a bowl of ice cream that i didn't measure out probably only caused like 600 extra calories worth of damage. so not good. but definitely not as bad as it could have been.

i haven't given up on the journey. i haven't gained back the little bit of weight that i've lost.  it was just a bad weekend. it hasn't been the first. it won't be the last. so chill out monique. ur doin ok homegirl.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Progress Pics

Was reading on WW boards (cuz I'm a fanatic) & one of the postings was about our progress pics. welll my face is my best asset so all of my pics are usually boobs up. So after spending some time looking thru some old FB pics, I decided that just maybe i've lost enough weight to post progress pics. About 25lbs down. (huge milestone i'm told lol). Can definitely see a lot of difference in my tummy when I take my shirt off but i'm DEF not about to post that. lol. So here it is. Hopfeully my weight loss translates in pics.

i'm really gonna miss my boobs when they go. hopefully if i can maintain my
goal weight for a yr, then i'll invest in a boob job =D

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Don't Quit (A Weight Watchers poem)

DON'T YOU QUIT
When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
And you feel like the biggest failure in town,
When you want to give up just because you gave in,
and forget all about being healthy & thin.

So what! You went over your points a bit,
It's your next move that counts...
So DON'T YOU QUIT!

It's a moment of truth, it’s an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself "You've done great up ‘til now. You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal,
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.

To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the strugglers, when losing their grip,
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip,
And learn too late when the damage is done,
that the race wasn't over...they still could have won!

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you to grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.

When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it...
But DON'T YOU QUIT!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Time DOESN'T heal all wounds

I remember one time writing a blog on myspace, a year after my miscarriage entitled "Time heals all wounds...yeah right". Basically it was about not being able to heal properly. This was the first paragraph:

"So the phrase Time heals all wounds is one that isn't really one of my favorites, because i feel like it's inaccurate. If you cut yourself and had to get stitched up, but everytime it looked like you were healing, you pulled your stitches out....no matter how much time has passed...you won't heal if your wound keeps getting busted open"


Well today I stumbled upon an online Essence article about healing after a breakup or something like that. & who knew that 2yrs ago I was actually thinking the right things. Time alone doesn't heal wounds. So to ppl who say that to someone after a loss, death, break-up, disappointment...cut it out! LOL.

The excerpt is below. Pay close attention to the "equations" at the bottom.

"We have all heard this before, we have all said this before. And we were all wrong! Time does not heal all wounds. Time gives the wound an opportunity to get infected if it isn’t treated properly.

If you sliced your finger, the doctor wouldn’t say, “Just don’t use it for a few weeks.” She would apply medicine to remove the bacteria and, if necessary, stitch it up to ensure it doesn’t get worse. If this is the procedure for a simple cut, wouldn’t emotional wounds (which are much more complex and deeply-rooted) also require intentionally to facilitate adequate healing?

Time alone doesn’t heal. It will, however, provide you with the opportunities you need to “medicate” yourself visa vis reading books, journaling, prayer, counseling, etcetera as you go through the healing process.


Time – A Plan = A Mess
Time + A Plan = Maturity, Perspective, and Growth"

Monday, July 19, 2010

Focus on the positive....

I spend a lot of time focusing on the things that I think that i'm doing wrong on this journey. Which is a stupid statement in itself because who's to tell me that I'm doing anything wrong? & I'm not accountable to anyone but myself. But I digress. So I've decided on this lovely (sarcasm) Monday morning, to focus on a few (jst a few) positive things that have resulted from this journey, seeing as how i'm almost at the 6 month mark.

Well, the biggest thing is that i'm down 22lbs. (I'll wait while you applaud.)





Ok enough, sit down. You're making me blush. Yeahhhh I'm proud of those 22lbs. Not sure if they're showing (although people said they are). It could probably be more than 22 had I not taken those 2months off. Oh wait, positive things. Yup 22. Coincidentally the same number I need to lose to be comfortably out of the 300's. I'm pretty sure when the day comes that I'm out of the 300's I'm going to run butt naked through my neighborhood. But probably at like 3am when no one is awake. lol. I haven't been under 300 since high school. Let that statement soak in. Sad.

Anyway, let's see what other positive changes I've made so far.

~I've become pretty conscious of the way that I eat. I've learned how to measure & weigh my foods. (you'll be surprised at how much you are actually eating). It's actually not a bad thing. & I think twice about the decisions I make at restaurants. & if i overindulge...that little thing called Guilt kicks in. VERY good thing. Keeps me accountable.

~Even though I'm not hitting the gym as hard as I was back in early June, i'm still somewhat active. I have to remember that I used to be a couch potato so any activity is MAJOR!

~I've stopped wearing my spanx. idk if that has to do with the journey or the unbearable 100+ degree temps we've had this summer lol. Either way, it's been 3wks since i've stopped wearing spanx daily. (Still wear for certain outfits) & i absolutely love my jiggly parts =D ((altho I am thinking of hosting a Death to Spanx party this weekend, all are invited))

~Will power. Self Control. Delayed Gratification. Self Sacrifice. Commitment. I've struggled with these 5 things for yearssssss. & I'm definitely learning how to incorporate these things into my new life.

There's so much more I'm learning & experiencing. It's kind of hard to put into words. So those were jst the major things. It's a wonderful journey. It's tough. But worth it. I'm worth it. You're worth it. The outpouring of support that I've been receiving from my family, coworkers, friends, & thru Facebook is amazing. To know that i'm inspiring people simply by doing something that's important to me is a wonderful feeling. I try not to focus on whether or not people truly mean it or if they're waiting to see me fall. I'd drive myself nuts that way. I'm pretty sure 87.6% of the feedback i'm getting is genuine. & that's all that matters.

6 months ago I didn't think that I could make any changes to my life. I mean, I've been fat my whole life. This is all I know. All I knew. But all it took was that desire to WANT to change. Then you'll figure out what needs to be done to make it happen. What's working for me, might not work for you. So it's up to you to try stuff out & see what fits.

I tell people, my goal is not to be a stick. I don't want to be a size 6. My body isn't built for that. I'd just like reach my goal of 200lbs. To start. Then maybe i'll attempt to drop to 180. but that's my MINIMUM!! The Star Jones/Crackhead look doesn't work on me. My round face is my trademark.

Anywho, thanks for reading.

I'm not where I want to be...but thank God i'm not where I was.

20lbs -- July 12, 2010
50lbs -- December 12, 2010
100lbs --August 12, 2011
GOAL -- February 12, 2012

and go♥ :)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

sometimes i wonder...

...if i'm asking for too much? i mean why should i expect more? it was ok at first...but i never thought it'd be like this. guess i'll jst live moment to moment & deal with it for now. because i have to hold on to the hope that things won't always be like this.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

10 Steps to Inner confidence

I thought this was a nice read (courtesy of Beliefnet). Don't worry, i'll get back to the personal blogs soon. Just haven't had the time to sit down & write. Soo that'll be coming shortly bcuz i have a LOT to say. Well...not really lol. Anywho. happy reading.

10 Tips for Inner Confidence

Stop Worrying About What Others Think
You can’t be responsible for how everyone around you feels about how you live your life. So stop worrying about how your family, partner, and friends will react to your choices, and start getting real about how you feel about your life. Ask yourself, “When I make decisions, do I think first of myself or do I worry about what others will think or feel?” Give yourself permission to put yourself first.

Do Things Because You Want To
Throw away the big O, Obligation. Give up the G word, Guilt. And make a commitment that everything you do, you do because you want to. Even for things you don't necessarily love doing, ask, “What is it about this action that does matter to me?” and act from that place. It’s all about your attitude. You can choose to be a martyr and a victim, or you can choose to be authentic.

Give Up the Image
We all construct images of who we think we are and who we want the world to see, and then attempt to live up to them. When the image you portray on the outside comes from who you truly are on the inside, you are being your authentic self. When the persona you show the world is based on fitting into expectations, ideals, and images set by society, your friends and family, or your work colleagues, you are living inauthentically. Choose to give up the false image and instead live from the inside out.

Know What Makes You Unique
Every person is born with unique gifts, talents, and inclinations that they are naturally good at. When you find them and use them, these gifts lead you to real happiness and success. Think about Tiger Woods. Born to golf. No matter how much you practiced, you’d never be as great as him; he has a gift. You have gifts too. Start noticing the compliments you often get from people. There is sure to be a gift there

Be Clear About What Makes You Happy
Stop trying to fit into the expectations that outside forces—society, family, work, friends—have said you must achieve in order to be successful, happy, and accepted, and start asking yourself, “What really makes me happy?” Think about the times that you’ve been happiest. What were you doing? What did you have? Do the same for your most unhappy times. Compare the two to your life today and notice the gaps

Know Your Emotional Triggers
We all have things that set us off or that evoke an overly strong reaction. It is time to stop letting them run the show! Pay attention to situations that make you spin, get your mad factor going, or send you into the pool of suffering. Be the boss of your emotions by having and taking responsibility for them, and don’t let them drive your life. To be your authentic self, you have to know what is under the surface motivating you.

Act on What You Know Is Right
Being your most real self isn’t always easy. It often requires going against what everyone else is doing or thinking. Being authentic means being true to what feels right for you, even if it doesn't fit the needs and sensibilities of other people -- parents, partners, and friends included. We always know what the best action is to take for ourselves, it’s just not always easy. Be committed to being you, even when it’s scary, and even when other people don’t like it.

Have an Opinion and Express It
Know what you believe and don’t be afraid to express it. People who live their authentic selves have convictions that come from inside their souls, minds, and hearts. They know their Truth and are willing to stand in it, even when what they have to say makes others uncomfortable. Know your Truth in all situations and share it with pride and conviction, knowing that your unique voice deserves to be heard just because you’re you.

Let Others See You
Be vulnerable. Share your most real self with the people around you—family, friends, and colleagues—and let them see all of you. The strong, the weak, the self-assured, the self-doubter, the funny, and the serious. Have and show your emotions fully—from sadness and happiness to anger and joy. When you keep the full range of your true self hidden, no one can know who you really are. While it may feel scary to be vulnerable, you’ll find that the more you show the real you, the more others will be willing to share their authentic selves too.

Never Apologize for Being You
Unfortunately, the world is full of people, including our inner critic, who want to keep us small, to play along, and to be good girls and boys. When we listen to them by apologizing for who we are, or discounting our contributions, thoughts, and feelings, we squash our authentic selves. Know that you deserve to be all of you, all the time. Be brilliant. Be you. And never apologize for it.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

New favorite drink!!

I went out the other night & had FOUR margaritas!! After I sobered up, I realized that I'm pretty sure I DRANK half a day's calories away (frozen strawberry margaritas typically run 3-400 calories each!). Man did i feel BADDDDD but there was nothing I could do about it except attempt to find a more calorie friendly version. I knew I had to do this on my own because trust me, if u ask a bartender if they know any low-cal drink recipes, they'll look at you like you have 6 eyeballs.

So I went to my trusty friend google & came across the Hungry girl "Freezy-Fresa Strawberry margarita". Trust me...it's gooooddddd!! Most times things that are low cal/low fat/low sugar are pretty disgusting but this is seriously comparable to restaurant margaritas.

The recipe is as follows:

Ingredients:
3/4 cup Sprite Zero (or any diet lemon-lime soda)

1 shot (1.5 oz.) tequila

1 serving (half a packet or
1/8th of a tub) sugar-free strawberry powdered drink mix (any variety, like Crystal Light Strawberry-Kiwi or Energy Wild Strawberry) <===I used the Energy wild strawberry for mine)

4 frozen unsweetened strawberries

2 tbsp. lime juice

1 cup crushed ice or 5 - 8 ice cubes

Optional Garnish: lime wedge



Directions:
~Place all ingredients in a blender. Blend until uniform and slushy.
~Pour into a nice glass and, if you like, garnish with a wedge of lime.

MAKES 1 SERVING

Serving Size: 1 margarita (entire recipe)
Calories: 125
Fat: 0g
Sodium: 24mg
Carbs: 7g
Fiber: 1g
Sugars: 2g
Protein: 0g

Enjoy!!! I know i will (oh & if ur under 21, preggo, or just not in the mood to drink, Use 1 whole cup of sprite as opposed to 3/4cup. Now you have a frozen drink for about 30 calories!)