Don’t Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road youre trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must–but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
That many a fighter turns about
When he might have won had he stuck to the bout;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to the faint and faltering man
Often the vanquished has given up
When he might have captured the victors cup.
And he learns too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
It’s when things seem worst that you must NOT quit.”
-Anonymous
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
i'll never forget....
...tho others will. tho others alrdy have. i'm sure ppl think i'm crazy for remembering. but i think i'm crazy if i try to forget. how do u forget an experience that helped to shape ur outlook on things. the raw pain & emotion isn't there anymore...so what harm is it in remembering? it's not hurting me bcuz i've moved on to a point of acceptance. peace. do i still get angry sometimes? yes. do i still wonder why. of course? do i dream of the what ifs? the shoulda's? the coulda's? the wouldas? naturally. i'm sure a day will come when i'll forget...not on purpose. but jst because life happens. but today isn't that day.
u were more than just an idea.
u were more than just an "inconvenience"
u were more than just an embryo.
u were mine.
u are my angel.
u helped me to mature.
u helped me to open my eyes to some things i was choosing to ignore.
u taught me things. things that i don't need to share w/the world bcuz God knows what I learned from this.
...and i never even knew you.
RIP Baby Evans♥
u were more than just an idea.
u were more than just an "inconvenience"
u were more than just an embryo.
u were mine.
u are my angel.
u helped me to mature.
u helped me to open my eyes to some things i was choosing to ignore.
u taught me things. things that i don't need to share w/the world bcuz God knows what I learned from this.
...and i never even knew you.
RIP Baby Evans♥
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Race
The past week has definitely had it's share of ups & downs. Lots of frustrations. I missed a couple of workouts...& beat myself up about it. I went to happy hour and had some wings & fries...& beat myself up about it! I didn't focus on any of the good things that I did...like how consistent my workouts have been & how good I've been doing on my eating. I jst kept focusing on all the things I thought I was doing WRONG! All the things I felt like I could've been doing BETTER!
So had a talk w/my SOS. & he rlly put things into perspective for me. I'm doing WONDERFUL! like no bull. I'm doing a GREAT job. I go to the gym at least 4days a week (albeit i've only been going to the gym for 2 1/2wks but still, takes dedication to go to the gym and ALONE at that!). I'm conscious of the things that I eat, & if i do eat something that I feel like I shouldn't, then i feel that guilt about it. that's so much better than A LOT of ppl...big OR small.
I'm going to get frustrated on this journey. It's a given. It's tough. If anyone tries to tell me that I shouldn't be frustrated, or that it's not a hard thing to lose weight. Then they're lying to me. I kind of lost momentum in the last couple of months, But i'm back in this. I'm committed. I want to be healthier. I want to have nicer (& less expensive)clothes. & jst overall feel better about ME!...all of ME!
So after our talk, he got a text. It went something like this:
"A horse doesn’t knows why it runs in the race. It runs because of the pain caused by the lashes (beatings) of it's rider… Life is a race. God is your rider. So if u r in pain then think...God wants you to win!!! Keep running!!"
MAN OH MAN was that the confirmation i needed to KEEP GOING!!! So that gave me my 2nd wind for the 2nd half of the week. I upped my workouts (even doing 3.5miles one day (btwn elliptical/treadmill/outdoors walking!!) & my workouts for the rest of the week were intense! & i've stayed on track w/my eating (except Sunday but i still didn't go overboard).
So this morning, as i'm drinking my first 72oz jug of water (goal for the week is to drink 144-168oz daily) and thinking about the cardio i'm gonna get in for the rest of the week & planning my meals for when I go grocery shopping tmrw, I decided to check my daily devotion. Wanna kno what the topic was???
"RUNNING THE RACE!!" [[insert HALLELUJAH right about here]]. Her scripture reference for the day was:
Acts 20:24 – However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.
MY.GOD.IS.INCREDIBLE.
the writer of the devotion is also on a weight loss journey. & has reached a point of frustration. then she had an epiphany. maybe her job was never to lose TONS of weight. Maybe He chose her to begin her journey at this time to serve as a testament to others. She was too focused on NUMBERS. Pounds lost. Maybe her focus was supposed to be showing how by GOD'S GRACE she's able to commit to eating healthy & staying active for as long as she has (4months).
God is so awesome! This gives me another motivation for those days when I feel like "what's the point?" Yes, the #1 goal of this journey is to lose weight & live a healthier lifestyle. But maybe, just maybe...i'm supposed to serve as a living testament for others of WHAT'S POSSIBLE!! I have family, college & high school friends, random FB friends, all sending me messages telling me how I inspire them. Just by simply doing ME. That's enough to keep me running this race......
on ur mark. get set. go♥
So had a talk w/my SOS. & he rlly put things into perspective for me. I'm doing WONDERFUL! like no bull. I'm doing a GREAT job. I go to the gym at least 4days a week (albeit i've only been going to the gym for 2 1/2wks but still, takes dedication to go to the gym and ALONE at that!). I'm conscious of the things that I eat, & if i do eat something that I feel like I shouldn't, then i feel that guilt about it. that's so much better than A LOT of ppl...big OR small.
I'm going to get frustrated on this journey. It's a given. It's tough. If anyone tries to tell me that I shouldn't be frustrated, or that it's not a hard thing to lose weight. Then they're lying to me. I kind of lost momentum in the last couple of months, But i'm back in this. I'm committed. I want to be healthier. I want to have nicer (& less expensive)clothes. & jst overall feel better about ME!...all of ME!
So after our talk, he got a text. It went something like this:
"A horse doesn’t knows why it runs in the race. It runs because of the pain caused by the lashes (beatings) of it's rider… Life is a race. God is your rider. So if u r in pain then think...God wants you to win!!! Keep running!!"
MAN OH MAN was that the confirmation i needed to KEEP GOING!!! So that gave me my 2nd wind for the 2nd half of the week. I upped my workouts (even doing 3.5miles one day (btwn elliptical/treadmill/outdoors walking!!) & my workouts for the rest of the week were intense! & i've stayed on track w/my eating (except Sunday but i still didn't go overboard).
So this morning, as i'm drinking my first 72oz jug of water (goal for the week is to drink 144-168oz daily) and thinking about the cardio i'm gonna get in for the rest of the week & planning my meals for when I go grocery shopping tmrw, I decided to check my daily devotion. Wanna kno what the topic was???
"RUNNING THE RACE!!" [[insert HALLELUJAH right about here]]. Her scripture reference for the day was:
Acts 20:24 – However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.
MY.GOD.IS.INCREDIBLE.
the writer of the devotion is also on a weight loss journey. & has reached a point of frustration. then she had an epiphany. maybe her job was never to lose TONS of weight. Maybe He chose her to begin her journey at this time to serve as a testament to others. She was too focused on NUMBERS. Pounds lost. Maybe her focus was supposed to be showing how by GOD'S GRACE she's able to commit to eating healthy & staying active for as long as she has (4months).
God is so awesome! This gives me another motivation for those days when I feel like "what's the point?" Yes, the #1 goal of this journey is to lose weight & live a healthier lifestyle. But maybe, just maybe...i'm supposed to serve as a living testament for others of WHAT'S POSSIBLE!! I have family, college & high school friends, random FB friends, all sending me messages telling me how I inspire them. Just by simply doing ME. That's enough to keep me running this race......
on ur mark. get set. go♥
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
doing it my way....
i'm fat.
always have been. it's no secret. i'm not ashamed. however, for as much as i love myself & have high esteem (most days)...i don't want to always be fat. clothes are more expensive. the health problems i don't have now will eventually sneak up on me. i don't want that. i want to be here as long as possible. i want to have kids. i just want to be able to live my life without limitations. and my weight is a HUGE (no pun intended)limitation & any fat person who tries to tell you otherwise is a liar and you have my permission to slap them.
so for my new readers, i joined a gym on Wed. i didn't want to because like most other fats, i'm self conscious about the gym. altho regulars tell me that when they see a fat in the gym they actually admire them for taking the step towards leading a healthier life. i digress. But i wasn't seeing the results i wanted with my low-budget at home workouts.
but i actually enjoyed my first time at the gym. & was excited about going back. So what did i do...i went back the next day. But i didn't go the next day or the next, or the next...which is fine. it was a long weekend. i just did a supplemental walk so i was still active. So today was my gym day. I packed my bag. loaded up some new toons on Maggie (my ipod) & went to the gym after work. I was getting excited bcuz i found this workout plan on the internet to help me maximize my workouts. I reached to open the door & noticed a sign....
"due to economic downturn, we've decided to close this broke gym. sorry for being a pain in the butt & not sending an email, letter, carrier pigeon or singing telegram. you're left to fend for yourself...peace out"
i'm paraphrasing of course.
BUT NO GYM!!!! talk about maaaaajorrrr frustration! it honestly, took everything in me not to cry. it felt like a major punch in the gut because i JUST had a convo with a great friend this weekend about gym vs gastric bypass & i was determined to do this MY WAY! so with the gym closing it made me wonder...God is this your way of telling me to hop on the GB train? so i sulked for about two hours. i talked to myself. i tweeted. i texted my bff. & then i called the gym up the street from my house.
Now, many might say "how come you didn't just go to this gym in the first place, it's so much more convenient than the old gym". well refer to the earlier statements about fats being afraid of the gym. this gym is NEW! with NEW means PEOPLE!!! and LOTS of them! ppl from my high school. ppl who recognized me from working @ the mall/giant/courthouse. ppl who know me simply because i have the same face as my brother & mother. This notarity wasn't going to make my transition to the gym any easier.
But i was determined to get a workout in today. so i walked the one mile to the gym & signed up for a one day pass. as expected...so many more ppl than the old gym. but it didn't faze (phase?) me. i did my workout. & before i left...i signed up for a membership. It's $1 cheaper than my old gym! and i'm paid thru October! But it cost me $60 more up front than my old gym & i'm not sure where that's going to come from (but as a friend reminded me...God is a provider. He'll make a way) If the cable gets cut, or my phone disconnected, or the student loan ppl send their wallet sniffing bulldogs on me...it doesn't matter. I did this for me!
So as much as i hate to admit. This was a much better arrangement than the old. Walking to & from the gym will help to double my workout for the day which hopefully equates to more lbs lost (i'll settle for inches tho cuz honestly, that's the most important thing to me....gettin in smaller clothes)
While many ppl will say "Moe, you pay insurance every month. Just get the gastric bypass! You'll lose 150lbs in a year's time"...i can't. at least not yet. I have to do this my way. I have to see this through. I don't follow through on too many things & I refuse to allow my weight loss journey to be one of those things that doesn't get completed. if i don't see the results i want, then on my 25th birthday, i'll call the surgeon. that's a promise to myself.
so i write all this to say. My God is amazing. I praise him for what this journey is doing for me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. & i'm excited for things to come....
thanks for reading
always have been. it's no secret. i'm not ashamed. however, for as much as i love myself & have high esteem (most days)...i don't want to always be fat. clothes are more expensive. the health problems i don't have now will eventually sneak up on me. i don't want that. i want to be here as long as possible. i want to have kids. i just want to be able to live my life without limitations. and my weight is a HUGE (no pun intended)limitation & any fat person who tries to tell you otherwise is a liar and you have my permission to slap them.
so for my new readers, i joined a gym on Wed. i didn't want to because like most other fats, i'm self conscious about the gym. altho regulars tell me that when they see a fat in the gym they actually admire them for taking the step towards leading a healthier life. i digress. But i wasn't seeing the results i wanted with my low-budget at home workouts.
but i actually enjoyed my first time at the gym. & was excited about going back. So what did i do...i went back the next day. But i didn't go the next day or the next, or the next...which is fine. it was a long weekend. i just did a supplemental walk so i was still active. So today was my gym day. I packed my bag. loaded up some new toons on Maggie (my ipod) & went to the gym after work. I was getting excited bcuz i found this workout plan on the internet to help me maximize my workouts. I reached to open the door & noticed a sign....
"due to economic downturn, we've decided to close this broke gym. sorry for being a pain in the butt & not sending an email, letter, carrier pigeon or singing telegram. you're left to fend for yourself...peace out"
i'm paraphrasing of course.
BUT NO GYM!!!! talk about maaaaajorrrr frustration! it honestly, took everything in me not to cry. it felt like a major punch in the gut because i JUST had a convo with a great friend this weekend about gym vs gastric bypass & i was determined to do this MY WAY! so with the gym closing it made me wonder...God is this your way of telling me to hop on the GB train? so i sulked for about two hours. i talked to myself. i tweeted. i texted my bff. & then i called the gym up the street from my house.
Now, many might say "how come you didn't just go to this gym in the first place, it's so much more convenient than the old gym". well refer to the earlier statements about fats being afraid of the gym. this gym is NEW! with NEW means PEOPLE!!! and LOTS of them! ppl from my high school. ppl who recognized me from working @ the mall/giant/courthouse. ppl who know me simply because i have the same face as my brother & mother. This notarity wasn't going to make my transition to the gym any easier.
But i was determined to get a workout in today. so i walked the one mile to the gym & signed up for a one day pass. as expected...so many more ppl than the old gym. but it didn't faze (phase?) me. i did my workout. & before i left...i signed up for a membership. It's $1 cheaper than my old gym! and i'm paid thru October! But it cost me $60 more up front than my old gym & i'm not sure where that's going to come from (but as a friend reminded me...God is a provider. He'll make a way) If the cable gets cut, or my phone disconnected, or the student loan ppl send their wallet sniffing bulldogs on me...it doesn't matter. I did this for me!
So as much as i hate to admit. This was a much better arrangement than the old. Walking to & from the gym will help to double my workout for the day which hopefully equates to more lbs lost (i'll settle for inches tho cuz honestly, that's the most important thing to me....gettin in smaller clothes)
While many ppl will say "Moe, you pay insurance every month. Just get the gastric bypass! You'll lose 150lbs in a year's time"...i can't. at least not yet. I have to do this my way. I have to see this through. I don't follow through on too many things & I refuse to allow my weight loss journey to be one of those things that doesn't get completed. if i don't see the results i want, then on my 25th birthday, i'll call the surgeon. that's a promise to myself.
so i write all this to say. My God is amazing. I praise him for what this journey is doing for me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. & i'm excited for things to come....
thanks for reading
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