doing it my way....

i'm fat.

always have been. it's no secret. i'm not ashamed. however, for as much as i love myself & have high esteem (most days)...i don't want to always be fat. clothes are more expensive. the health problems i don't have now will eventually sneak up on me. i don't want that. i want to be here as long as possible. i want to have kids. i just want to be able to live my life without limitations. and my weight is a HUGE (no pun intended)limitation & any fat person who tries to tell you otherwise is a liar and you have my permission to slap them.

so for my new readers, i joined a gym on Wed. i didn't want to because like most other fats, i'm self conscious about the gym. altho regulars tell me that when they see a fat in the gym they actually admire them for taking the step towards leading a healthier life. i digress. But i wasn't seeing the results i wanted with my low-budget at home workouts.

but i actually enjoyed my first time at the gym. & was excited about going back. So what did i do...i went back the next day. But i didn't go the next day or the next, or the next...which is fine. it was a long weekend. i just did a supplemental walk so i was still active. So today was my gym day. I packed my bag. loaded up some new toons on Maggie (my ipod) & went to the gym after work. I was getting excited bcuz i found this workout plan on the internet to help me maximize my workouts. I reached to open the door & noticed a sign....

"due to economic downturn, we've decided to close this broke gym. sorry for being a pain in the butt & not sending an email, letter, carrier pigeon or singing telegram. you're left to fend for yourself...peace out"

i'm paraphrasing of course.

BUT NO GYM!!!! talk about maaaaajorrrr frustration! it honestly, took everything in me not to cry. it felt like a major punch in the gut because i JUST had a convo with a great friend this weekend about gym vs gastric bypass & i was determined to do this MY WAY! so with the gym closing it made me wonder...God is this your way of telling me to hop on the GB train? so i sulked for about two hours. i talked to myself. i tweeted. i texted my bff. & then i called the gym up the street from my house.

Now, many might say "how come you didn't just go to this gym in the first place, it's so much more convenient than the old gym". well refer to the earlier statements about fats being afraid of the gym. this gym is NEW! with NEW means PEOPLE!!! and LOTS of them! ppl from my high school. ppl who recognized me from working @ the mall/giant/courthouse. ppl who know me simply because i have the same face as my brother & mother. This notarity wasn't going to make my transition to the gym any easier.

But i was determined to get a workout in today. so i walked the one mile to the gym & signed up for a one day pass. as expected...so many more ppl than the old gym. but it didn't faze (phase?) me. i did my workout. & before i left...i signed up for a membership. It's $1 cheaper than my old gym! and i'm paid thru October! But it cost me $60 more up front than my old gym & i'm not sure where that's going to come from (but as a friend reminded me...God is a provider. He'll make a way) If the cable gets cut, or my phone disconnected, or the student loan ppl send their wallet sniffing bulldogs on me...it doesn't matter. I did this for me!

So as much as i hate to admit. This was a much better arrangement than the old. Walking to & from the gym will help to double my workout for the day which hopefully equates to more lbs lost (i'll settle for inches tho cuz honestly, that's the most important thing to me....gettin in smaller clothes)

While many ppl will say "Moe, you pay insurance every month. Just get the gastric bypass! You'll lose 150lbs in a year's time"...i can't. at least not yet. I have to do this my way. I have to see this through. I don't follow through on too many things & I refuse to allow my weight loss journey to be one of those things that doesn't get completed. if i don't see the results i want, then on my 25th birthday, i'll call the surgeon. that's a promise to myself.

so i write all this to say. My God is amazing. I praise him for what this journey is doing for me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. & i'm excited for things to come....

thanks for reading