if ur not fat.....

...don't ever get fat. so tired of fighting this constant battle....and i hate that i've become this weight, scales, counting calories obsessed person. i used to pride myself on the fact that i was NEVER a slave to these things! idk. just a bit frustrated right now...(as usual). i don't even feel like writing anything else....sorry

the next 10weeks.....

i found this walking plan on the internet that i absolutely love & think is so very doable. it's 10weeks long. & you start off walking 3days a week for 30minutes each time. & then as the weeks increase you add more time & more days. so at the end of the 10weeks you'll be up to 5days a week, 45minutes each time. I wrote them on my calendar & spaced them out so that it isn't like "ok, i have to walk every monday, wednesday, friday"...i think that'll get too routine, & kinda boring to me. So some weeks it's Sun, Mon, Thurs, and some weeks it's Tues, Wed, Fri. So it's a variety. However, there is walking EVERY sunday for the next 10weeks...a good way to start the week off right. (well minus the Sunday after the wedding....think i'mma need a break)

I think by actually writing it on my calendar it'll hold me accountable instead of just "hey, i should walk today". I walked home from work the other day. 2miles...45minutes. and it was pretty great! so i'll try to do that at least once a week.

still gotta focus on gettin back on track w/my eating tho. it isn't as bad as it was before i started. But it isn't as great as it was AFTER i started....so i'm somewhere in the middle. but i rejoice in each victory. youknow, each time i choose string cheese over chips. or cereal over a breakfast sandwich...or pita pizzas over ordering out.

i'mma get to where i wanna be one day....

yay

i walked home from work today. mapquest says it's 2.1 miles from my job to my house. which is about right since it takes like 7mins by car. It took me 45minutes...i only stopped once & that was @ the halfway mark to get a bottle of water from the Royal Farms store. I was slightly out of breath but that's also due to me having a cold/allergies & walking past so many freshly mulched yards & piles of pollen laying in the street. lol but other than that, it was a nice refreshing walk. I can't wait to do it again. i'm thinking for now i'll do every other day. less pressure & less of a toll on my body. hopefully one day i'll be able to walk it everyday (just hope i don't melt in the summer lol)

i was somewhat self concious (sp) because i felt like every car that went past was looking @ me. but like my Jassy poo said "were they really staring or did you THINK they were staring". so i gotta get over that insecurity that ppl are watching & judgin me. I'm doing this for myself....whatever this is...to get healthy? to lose weight? idk. but i'm doing it for me, bcuz i'm the only one that has to face "me" in the mirror every day. & I need to be able to love what I see...all of what I see.

so yay for small steps. praying for increased motivation & commitmment. that's it for now.......too many other thoughts to blog. gotta get them organized first lol.

I don't want surgery...

...but sometimes I wonder if that's gonna be my best...if not only option for optimum weight loss.

I know it's possible to do it the "right" way...eating right & exercising. But how nice would it be to have an additional tool to help me get to where I gotta go? I mean if I wanted to paint a house I wouldn't dip my hand in the paint & start painting...I'd use a brush. I still have to do the work of painting the house but it's more helpful to do it w/a brush than dippin my hand in a bucket

The same goes for my weight loss. I know that I still have to do the work of eating right & working out. But wouldn't it be nice to have a "brush" (surgery) to help me "paint my house?"

Idk...just gettin a little tired of being fat. But not for health reasons...just quality of life & vanity.

Guess I need to continue on in my journey & trust that I'll eventually get there....

april 6th...cuz i cant think of anotha title =/

ok so i guess i should take the time to update my blog since my honey says that i never do it anymore lol. hmm where to start...

LOVE
i'm in it. & loving EVERY minute of it. the good & the bad. i thank God daily that despite the rocky start that we had, we've been able to come so far. it's been pretty great. i'm grateful for wonderful friends who were able to talk me into not giving up so soon & for putting me in my place when I was doing entirely too much. lol. he's amazing. i'm not gonna boast about him...yet. but let's just say this queen has finally found her king♥

MY JOURNEY
i've decided to change my focus a little bit. i'm still doing WW. but i've become frustrated because i'm not seeing the results as quickly as i want. so it honestly makes me want to give up. so after conferring w/friends & the boo. i think i'll just change the way I look @ things. my goal should be to get healthy...and if i lose weight in the process then that'll just be the cherry on top of my sugar free cake lol. so i'm taking all the things i've learned in WW for the last 2 months & still applying them to my life (portion sizes, low calorie/low fat snacks, exercising)...but if i go over my points...so be it. life is too short to miss out on birthday gatherings & happy hours with friends just because i'm constantly counting pesky points in my head. i guess just when i go to these gatherings...i have to do things in moderation. space out my alcohol. get just an appetizer. or just an entree & not both. walking is also something that i enjoy, so i'll continue to do that, but if i don't walk for an hour 5days a week i won't look @ myself as a failure at life. i still want to try curves, but i just have to wait until i can financially do it. for now i think i'll invest in a wii though. i'm sure 30min of kickboxing or doing the wii fit will def burn as many (if not more) calories than walking alone.

so i won't get frustrated anymore. i'm still beautiful. i still have a man & family & friends who love me, no matter what size I am. it's a journey...not a rush.

other than that...nothing new to report. i'm still working & enjoying my job (mostly). Can't believe i've been here for almost 6months!!! But i do know that i need to go to grad school ASAP! I miss academia & i've been dragging my ass a little bit. but i'm 24 now...sooo it's time to get back to doing something productive. or else i'mma be 40 sittin in somebody's classroom.

can't wait for my brother's wedding next month!!! can't believe that after all these months it's finally getting here! weddings are so exciting!!!

ummm yeah, so this blog was prob a bit boring. but @ least when he asks me if i updated my blog i can say...why yes i did! lol.