they say if you are afraid that you won't be a good mother, chances are you will be a great one. Because "bad" mother's don't care what kind of mother's they are/will be. By now, most of the world knows my "secret". & if you've been living under a facebook rock, yes, I'm going to be a mom in a few short months. i've felt a lot of things in such a short time. Disappointment (i feel like i let myself & my family down). Disbelief (there's really a baby in there?) Stress (#penispeople & i'mma leave it at that). Anger (this could have been prevented). Depression. & more...I think excitement just kicked in a couple of weeks ago. the most prevalent feeling though: Terror. (wayyyy too many unknowns & that's NOT a good thing for someone who needs to know what's next, how's A-B-C gonna happen? and if you've been a reader...trusting God obviously one of my biggest struggles but i'm sure gonna be the greatest lesson i learn through all this.).
For anyone who knows me, knows that i don't do kids. They're messy. Noisy and sometimes flat out annoying. and i'd rather just not deal with them until they hit about 12. 13 maybe? Babies freak me out bcuz they're small & they randomly cry & u have to be a mind reader to figure out what in the world are they crying for?! wet? no. hungry? prob not. did you just get stung by a bee? unlikely. oh u just wanna be picked up? *picks up baby & stares at it awkwardly* ok, now what? TALK TO IT!?! "ummm sooo what do you think about the new season of Nurse Jackie?" oh baby talk.. ummm "goo goo ga ga?" so yeah, moe. a mom. idk abt that one.
i think growing up i was always that "mother figure" in whatever group of friends i attached myself to at the time. bossy. always there whenever someone needed advice. cared about others more than i cared about myself. So naturally everyone says "Omg Moe, you'll be a great mom. I sure hope so.
So idk, i'm just nervous i guess. God's given me a gift. and i don't take that likely at all. Anyone can "have a baby", but like "they" say, it takes a special person to be a mom. Sooo i guess at this point all i can do is go with the flow. and do my best. It's undoubtedly going to be a challenge. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a lot of long nights, tears, and frustrations. But i've heard that being a mom is very rewarding.
It still doesnt feel real sometimes that there's a baby girl in there. Sometimes i wonder if i'm stuck inside of a dream. But then i wake up. And i see her ultrasound pics & realize...yup, there's a baby in there. Am I excited? I think so. I'm not sure yet. Ask me again in a few weeks I guess.
so yeah, this blog is kind of the abridged version of my "feelings" because there's some stuff that's only meant for God, myself, and the pages of my journal.
Oh & I've decided to chronicle "Eden's Journey" in her own blog. If you care about baby ish, feel free to bookmark it & visit. But it's mainly for me I guess to keep track of her progress (both as an inside & outside baby) and since i spend 23hrs on a computer anyway, it's easier to do here than in an actual book...for now.
Oh & i bought something for her the other day. It's prob the first & last thing i'll buy until after my baby shower. But I was bored & my hand was itching sooo i picked it up! lol [pics on Eden's blog]
girl you do it every time got me crying and laughing and don't worry being a mom is hard work and no doubt it take a village to raise a child but being a good mom is about making mistakes and dealing with the unknown..You remember what I had to go through with ms.Parker and what we went through with Ms.Mackell but look at them now Great,sometimes annoying but ultimately very respectful, smart young adults and that comes from there possitive influcences that they've had in there lives and you've been a big part of that... so it'll be fine and you'll never be alone so let go and let god...
ReplyDeleteby the way how do I get to Edens blog???/