...

learning....
growing....
changing....
evolving....
making mistakes...

these are a few things that life is about. it's gonna be ok. I'M gonna be ok.

will it ever stop hurting?
will he ever love me the way he used to?
can i make him see that i AM the person he once loved?
can i make him see that nothing like this would ever happen again?
how can i show him how much he means to me?
not knowing where to go from here is driving me crazy slowly.
so many things i should've done.
so many things i shouldn't have done.
i sabotaged myself....like always.
when will i be happy again?

lesson learned

I realized that one of the problems in most of my friendships/relationships that ended was because i wasn't able to be 100% honest when it came to things that probably were going to hurt someone's feelings. I always thought, "do what it takes to spare feelings"...go along with the flow...don't disrupt the waters...that type of thing. I thought that's the way that relationships/friendships prospered. But little did i realize that this was definitely the wrong approach. I think ppl respect & appreciate you more when you can be 100% honest regardless of if feelings are going to be hurt as an end result.

And if it's a true friendship or a true love then even though their feelings have gotten hurt, in the end it's better because you showed them how much you cared about them by being able to communicate honestly. And your relationship/friendship will be so much better and STRONGER!

So now that i'm recognizing that this is a major flaw that I have, i'm able to take steps towards changing it & making sure that nothing like this happens again. I hurt someone special. Someone who i promised myself i would do everything in my power to NEVER hurt. And it's made me miserable to know that i hurt him so much. Hopefully we'll be able to move forward from this because like i said...lesson most DEFINITELY learned =/

Nothing worth having is easy to come by...

i'm slowly starting to learn that. about everything in my life. love. weight loss. inner peace. acceptance. spiritual enlightenment. financial stability. peer relationships.

struggling in every aspect of my life. perhaps i'm making things a lot more difficult than they need to be. in some areas i think too much instead of going with the flow & just seeing what happens. in other areas of my life i withdraw inside of myself instead of just stepping outside of my box. and in some areas i'm just plain NOT COMMITTED!!!

So now that i know what the problems are i just gotta work on fixing it. Sorry so vague....just not ready to completely share. Guess it stays in my journal for now. Soon hopefully i'll be able to return with some serious self-revelation......

making moves.....

new theme song

Heard this song on the biggest loser tonite. i really liked the melody & her voice. so i decided to look up the lyrics & i definitely almost shed a tear. so true. so beautiful. so meaningful. enjoy

Walk on Water - Britt nicole

You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if i'm overtaken
What if i never make it
What if no one's there
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you,
telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are waiting, what are you waiting for

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water,
walk on the water too

never....

I never held you.....but I feel you.
You never spoke......but I hear you.
I never knew you.....but I love you.

Happy "Mother's" Day....