my entire teenage & adult life (so far), I've always prayed for God to send me my mate. I wanted him to be attractive. Smart. Funny. Spiritual. Attentive. Caring & Kind. Loyal. Trustworthy. He had to be responsible. Wants kids. And he had to think I was the most beautiful girl in the world...flaws & all. & I think that finally found me. I wasn't looking for him. He just kinda bumped into me one day. & it's funny bcuz i looked back @ a blog that I wrote around Valentine's day about wanting to be in love & what kinda person I wanted and who knew that a week later...I was going to meet him.
But I think I may have messed it up & we're going to end up as "just friends". All because I constantly live in my head and I haven't learned the ability to LET GO! Honestly, I don't even know what that means to let go? My girlfriends tell me "u gotta just let go" & he even told me "Don't be afraid to let go...i'll be there to catch you". But what does that MEAN??? Does it mean that I'm supposed to let go of all of the past hurts & start fresh? (which I thought I did but maybe I didn't??) Does it mean that I'm supposed to let go of the wall that's seemingly built around my heart? What am I holding on to that I'm supposed to let go of?
I feel like if I mess things up with him...i'm probably gonna be by myself for the rest of my life...or if i'm not gonna be by myself I'm gonna end up settling. I know that sounds overdramatic but i'm convinced. This guy is amazing. I mean he's not perfect...none of us are. But I've never felt this way about anyone before & I've never had someone feel the way he does. If he's everything I've prayed for & God finally sent him to me...why am I not embracing it?? So i feel like since he's here and I haven't been able to receive him, God's gonna be like "ok Monique...guess u don't recognize a treasure when u have it...here's some trash".
I just hope he doesn't give up on me yet. I don't know how many different ways I can tell him that I care about him & want him in my life...as more than a friend. My fears with us "just being friends" is that someone else will recognize the treasure that he is, and he'll slip away from me. i think i'm about to cry again just thinking about it...so i'm ending this blog now
♥
No comments:
Post a Comment