vibes

in counseling one time I had to watch this movie on vibes. good vibes. bad vibes. getting vibes from ur external environment & how they affect ur internal. i'm a strong believer of vibes in everything. i think the vibes you put out affect what kind of friends you have, how you do at your job, but for the sake of this blog, i'm talking about vibes & romantic relationships.

i always thought that i gave out "non desperate" vibes. i know society has ppl programmed to believe that if ur a larger woman you have to settle for less than you deserve (in my case, older, crusty, men who aren't really about anything, or guys who only wanted to sleep with me bcuz big girls are "easy" apparently)& that's all that used to hit on me & I couldn't seem to figure out why!!

i think i'm finally able to say that the truth is, i didn't really love myself. (that may come as a shock to some, but not to others) i wasn't happy with myself. i was lonely, and honestly i probably would've accepted any old joe that came & talked to me. so i guess without even realizing it, I was emitting those vibes of desperation.

well since i've started my journey i can honestly say that i'm learning to love me...all of me. every nook, cranny, roll...whatever. i love me. i'm proud of me. i'm hopeful about the things that my future holds for me. & i think my weight loss journey is impacting the way I look at other things in my life.

i think my newfound GENUINE confidence is changing my vibes & I think good things are about to happen for me (remember i'm speaking in terms of relationships). but for now, still taking it slow. one day at a time. don't want to rush into anything too quickly (trying to learn from the past)but i'm keeping an open mind & an open heart

i know that i still have a long way to go but yeah....*all smiles*