gym is a dirty word....

well not really but it should be lol. for real i have nothing against the gym itself. when i used to go with the J's back in the day i actually felt good & energized when i was done & I felt a lot better about myself. However there is one huge hurdle that I just can't seem to overcome...

INSECURITY

I just feel like people are watching me! like there needs to be a fats only section at the gym. lol (no but for real). i'm sure no one in the gym is paying attention to me struggling on the treadmill or killing myself on the elliptical. but in my mind...all eyes are on me as soon as i walk thru the door. & then it doesn't help that there are full length mirrors in like EVERY EFFIN GYM! WTF i don't get it!?! whyyy do i need to look at myself huffing & puffing next to someone who looks like they could be on America's next top model or something.

LW asked me if i wanted to start going to gold's w/her bcuz they're running a VERY affordable special right now. & i want to because i feel like going to the gym would definitely help expedite my weight loss (other than just walking). But i have so many hesitations. I've spent my whole life assuming that people are always talking about me. that's how i became the funny girl...make them laugh with me before they can laugh AT me.

I guess that's why I was so attracted to Curves. these are women who look just like me. Most of them older, but idk i can deal with old lumpy looking women than fit skinny ones. Curves just doesn't fit in my budget right now tho. I need to sit down & really figure out a way to incorporate it though. It'd be heaven if i could burn 500 calories in 30 minutes (no bull, that's how their program works)

so idk....maybe i need to just step out on faith & start going to the gym, bcuz @ this rate i feel like i'mma lose like half a pound a week & my goal is @ least 2. (wish i could lose biggest loser style weight tho, effin 5, 10, 12lbs a week lol) but until i figure it out i'll still keep walking (didn't do my mile yesterday bcuz for some reason my knee was killing me.) & i didn't feel like doing it tonite but i MADE myself get outta the bed & do it. so kudos Monique!

soo updates. i think i'm doing really well on the program right now. i haven't gone over my points since I went over on monday. I know i probably annoyed my sister yesterday. we went to her house for pancake day & every thing she cooked i was like, do u still have the pack? i need to see the nutrition information lol. but hey...i gotta do what i gotta do.

so thanks for reading. sorry if my posts bore you. but i have some other things going on in my life right now that I'm not quite ready to share with the world yet. & this is positive & important to me & i don't mind sharing with the 2.5 ppl who read this lol.

tis all for now.