Bitter baby mamas

wait....there's T-shirts?!
*face in palm*

Never in my life did i imagine that i'd end up as someone's "baby mama". It's a title that some wear proudly (Remember that song by Fantasia anyone?) For what it's worth, I hate that term and I negatively judge anyone who uses it. If you want to address me, I'm the "mother of your child, Eden's mom or simply...Monique." same goes for the "baby father/daddy" thing. I'll never (intentionally) refer to him as "my baby favah" lol. He's the father of my child, Eden's dad or [his name]. I just think it implies a certain level of respect & shakes that nasty  hoodrat stereotype associated with that title. But for the sake of this blog, I'll use the term.

I work in the courthouse so I see/hear all kinds of things. Most in the hallway, elevator, or reports from other people who have witnessed it & have come back to share. On Thursday I was in the elevator w/a gentleman & what I'm assuming is his current significant other. He laments: "man, this system is f****d up. It don't favor a man who really care about his kids and want see 'em. Swear my baby muvah is triflin as hell." idk how the rest of their convo went because we were only going up one floor (I know how lazy of all of us, cut me a break, I'm 9 months pregnant). But it really irritated me to hear this! I don't know their situation. She could very well be using the kids as pawns against him OR He could just be playing that "woe is me, my baby muvah is evil" card....I don't know, nor do I actually care.

With that said....we are ALL not bitter baby mamas. We're all not out to trap a guy into having a baby (which is the dumbest & most offensive thing possible to say. If she lied about being on the pill or poked holes in condoms then that's something different, but be for real...96.5% of these babies get here as a result of two people's irresponsibility.) Not all of these "baby mamas" are trying to use their kid as leverage because their "baby favah" has a new girlfriend that they don't like or because "he did me dirty". Not all of us are child support hungry wenches who want your money so we can get our nails done & hit the club w/our girls this weekend.

Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of women out there like that. That's probably where "baby mama" got it's ugly connotation from. But for real, some of us really do just want what's best for our child(ren). We try to have a cordial relationship for the sake of the child(ren), we sacrifice, & bend over backwards and seems like the guy just doesn't get it!!! They blame the tense relationship on the woman & her actions. It's like something in their "alpha male" testosterone driven mind just doesn't click that "hey, just because our relationship didn't work out, we can still have a pleasant relationship for our baby." Nope, they revert to caveman mentalities.

"*grunts* She say I no the boss! *grunts* I show her!"

Or they start acting like a spoiled four year old..."*whines* she's not playing faiiiiiiirrr."

So when he's poppin off threats about walking away from the child(ren), or he stops lending financial support, or otherwise just making YOUR life more difficult than it needs to be (not realizing this can negatively impact the relationship with the children) and you in turn go into "mama bear defensive" mode, doing whatever you think is best for the safety & sanity of the child(ren) and yourself,  you've now been branded a bitter baby mama and your good hearted intentions are completely misconstrued.

It's frustrating to be misunderstood. Trying to make things work with someone who is being difficult for no apparent reason. It makes you wonder, what's the point? Why "play nice?"....simple answer....YOUR KIDS DESERVE IT! they didn't ask to be brought into a dysfunctional situation. The least you two as parents owe them, is the ability to be adults & put their mental,physical,emotional & spiritual well being ahead of your own proverbial pissing match!

And I have soooo many personal examples that I could use to really drive the point of this blog home, but I won't share. Apparently I do a wonderful job of letting the city of Annapolis in on my business & I should stop speaking so much on my personal situations lest it come back & bite me in the arse (since when is 100% honesty & transparency a crime?) In due time I won't self censor...due time.

Anyway, I'll just close with this. Guys, take a step back. Think if it's anything that you're doing (or not doing) that might be causing her to "act the way she is". Be honest with yourself...and her. And work on putting your PRIDE to the side to have a better relationship, remember, your child(ren) deserve it.

Conversely, women. If he's honestly making an effort to be a good father  to his child(ren), don't let your own emotions & how you feel about him get in the way. It's not about you sweetie. Get over yourself. Give the guy a break (only if he's sincerely making an effort.)

I'm aware that no situation is black & white. Sometimes you both may try & for whatever reason, it just doesn't work. If that's the case...caveman, meet Mama Bear, as you both inevitably meet "Da Judge."

Kisses :)