Bitter baby mamas

wait....there's T-shirts?!
*face in palm*

Never in my life did i imagine that i'd end up as someone's "baby mama". It's a title that some wear proudly (Remember that song by Fantasia anyone?) For what it's worth, I hate that term and I negatively judge anyone who uses it. If you want to address me, I'm the "mother of your child, Eden's mom or simply...Monique." same goes for the "baby father/daddy" thing. I'll never (intentionally) refer to him as "my baby favah" lol. He's the father of my child, Eden's dad or [his name]. I just think it implies a certain level of respect & shakes that nasty  hoodrat stereotype associated with that title. But for the sake of this blog, I'll use the term.

I work in the courthouse so I see/hear all kinds of things. Most in the hallway, elevator, or reports from other people who have witnessed it & have come back to share. On Thursday I was in the elevator w/a gentleman & what I'm assuming is his current significant other. He laments: "man, this system is f****d up. It don't favor a man who really care about his kids and want see 'em. Swear my baby muvah is triflin as hell." idk how the rest of their convo went because we were only going up one floor (I know how lazy of all of us, cut me a break, I'm 9 months pregnant). But it really irritated me to hear this! I don't know their situation. She could very well be using the kids as pawns against him OR He could just be playing that "woe is me, my baby muvah is evil" card....I don't know, nor do I actually care.

With that said....we are ALL not bitter baby mamas. We're all not out to trap a guy into having a baby (which is the dumbest & most offensive thing possible to say. If she lied about being on the pill or poked holes in condoms then that's something different, but be for real...96.5% of these babies get here as a result of two people's irresponsibility.) Not all of these "baby mamas" are trying to use their kid as leverage because their "baby favah" has a new girlfriend that they don't like or because "he did me dirty". Not all of us are child support hungry wenches who want your money so we can get our nails done & hit the club w/our girls this weekend.

Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of women out there like that. That's probably where "baby mama" got it's ugly connotation from. But for real, some of us really do just want what's best for our child(ren). We try to have a cordial relationship for the sake of the child(ren), we sacrifice, & bend over backwards and seems like the guy just doesn't get it!!! They blame the tense relationship on the woman & her actions. It's like something in their "alpha male" testosterone driven mind just doesn't click that "hey, just because our relationship didn't work out, we can still have a pleasant relationship for our baby." Nope, they revert to caveman mentalities.

"*grunts* She say I no the boss! *grunts* I show her!"

Or they start acting like a spoiled four year old..."*whines* she's not playing faiiiiiiirrr."

So when he's poppin off threats about walking away from the child(ren), or he stops lending financial support, or otherwise just making YOUR life more difficult than it needs to be (not realizing this can negatively impact the relationship with the children) and you in turn go into "mama bear defensive" mode, doing whatever you think is best for the safety & sanity of the child(ren) and yourself,  you've now been branded a bitter baby mama and your good hearted intentions are completely misconstrued.

It's frustrating to be misunderstood. Trying to make things work with someone who is being difficult for no apparent reason. It makes you wonder, what's the point? Why "play nice?"....simple answer....YOUR KIDS DESERVE IT! they didn't ask to be brought into a dysfunctional situation. The least you two as parents owe them, is the ability to be adults & put their mental,physical,emotional & spiritual well being ahead of your own proverbial pissing match!

And I have soooo many personal examples that I could use to really drive the point of this blog home, but I won't share. Apparently I do a wonderful job of letting the city of Annapolis in on my business & I should stop speaking so much on my personal situations lest it come back & bite me in the arse (since when is 100% honesty & transparency a crime?) In due time I won't self censor...due time.

Anyway, I'll just close with this. Guys, take a step back. Think if it's anything that you're doing (or not doing) that might be causing her to "act the way she is". Be honest with yourself...and her. And work on putting your PRIDE to the side to have a better relationship, remember, your child(ren) deserve it.

Conversely, women. If he's honestly making an effort to be a good father  to his child(ren), don't let your own emotions & how you feel about him get in the way. It's not about you sweetie. Get over yourself. Give the guy a break (only if he's sincerely making an effort.)

I'm aware that no situation is black & white. Sometimes you both may try & for whatever reason, it just doesn't work. If that's the case...caveman, meet Mama Bear, as you both inevitably meet "Da Judge."

Kisses :)

I had to defend myself....

"Moe you very evil and I regret ever dealing with you. God will handle this situation just like He did with [name removed for privacy]. I seriously regret ever knowing you and will. 
God bless you in all your endeavors"

 (SN: why is it always the ones acting the LEAST Christlike that always wanna hit you with the Christian clichés...anyway, moving on)

Simple email. Straight to the point.  But for some reason these few short sentences continue to burn through my brain. Perhaps because these same venomous words are from someone who just last year spoke of the future...together. The "love" & "unbreakable bond" that no one could ever understand, but didn't matter because 'we' understood it. These hateful words coming from someone who you "loved", trusted, defended when everyone else was wondering WHY you put up with half the shxt you did from this person; someone who helped to motivate you & remind you that there's a lot more life to live. Someone who you bent over BACKWARDS, SIDEWAYS, FORWARD, AND UPSIDE DOWN to help when their entire world was crashing down around them. Someone who contributed to the best gift you've ever gotten (or will ever get) in your entire life.......I now realize however that sweet words & promises only flow when someone is doing what YOU want them to do. As soon as you break free & begin to put yourself first, value yourself more...all hell breaks loose. (The same can be said for platonic & familial relationships as well, not just romantic.)

I'm aware that I'm not perfect. No one is & I'd never pretend to be as such. I have plenty of flaws and I know that I may be a LOT of things to a lot of people, but I DO know that I am FAR from evil. My entire life I've bent over backwards to help/appease people whenever I can. Even if doing so made me uncomfortable. Simple things like a listening ear or a few short words of advice, loaning a few dollars to someone knowing damn well I don't have it myself. Whatever I felt like I could do (for those that I genuinely hold dear to my heart), I'd do my best to try. Even people who have done me wrong, somehow I find a way to forgive them with time & let it go. Not saying that some people can't bring out the beast in you (that's human nature), but my general disposition/personality/character is NOT that of someone who is evil...

This person's anger in my opinion is misguided. For the sake of my own privacy I won't go into details on why this email was sent, but believe me, this reaction was uncalled for, selfish and very immature. I put up with a LOT of BS since February 2010. But never once did I have ill intentions towards this person. Everything I've "done" to this person (because apparently i've done a lot...who knew? I didn't.) has always been because I had (what I perceived to be) Eden's best interests in mind (& my own interests 2nd). I didn't bash this person in the streets. Or put all of our drama on Facebook (wont lie, a couple of mini-rants came out on twitter). But if an ill word WAS spoken, it was never unfounded & malicious. I mean, if you call me a bitch. And I tell people that you've called me a bitch. That's not bashing you. That's stating a fact. If they come to the conclusion that you're an asshole...well I can't help that sweetie...perhaps you should look @ the man in the mirror *cue Michael Jackson*

Never did I imagine that things would turn out to be like this. That I'd have to ever deal with something like this during my life. I'm praying it doesn't get worse...but you never know. So i'm trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever may come...But how do the clichés go? "there's a MESSAGE in this MESS......a TESTIMONY in this TEST". I know that on the other side of all this I'm going to emerge SO much stronger. So much wiser. I'm sure God'll "handle" the situation, but my conscience is clean. My heart is pure. I'm not worried......

There's so much more I could say, so much more I WANT to say. Probably a lot more that I NEED to say (I mean, I could really "lay all your shxt bare.") But God's telling me to stop this blog now. So I won't continue. I know that everything is not for everyone. I could've responded to this email in hopes of trying to defend myself. I could've responded with the same level of hatred that was given to me. That's what I wanted to do, in the end I didn't. The email went unanswered. There's no point? They have their mind made up & their opinion of me set. So i decided to defend myself on my own turf. My blog lol. But I had to get it out because it was making me sad. And with only 4wks (or less) left until Lil Miss may be arriving...I need a calm spirit. So now I feel better *cleansing breath in* *cleansing breath out*

As always....I love you for reading♥

Editor's Note: Pretty sure most can gather who this is about. I'm not a "bitter baby mama", so please don't paint me as such. Never will I bash or speak a negative word about him in front of her because that's simply not cool. If you know who he is, & you see him around town...please, just keep your peace & keep it moving. Save the attitude. The smart comments. All of that. It's only escalating what's already a tense situation. I don't need anyone to fight my battles. I'll let God do that for me.