Not tryna hear it....

Just realized that I didn't post at ALL in May. no bueno. But that doesn't mean that I haven't had things I wanted to write. Just got sidetracked a little bit & then I think someone is STALKING my blog! (well I guess it's not stalking if I choose a public forum to air my thoughts. But at the same time, if you know we're not friends anymore, as tight as we used to be, or if you know that I have so much disdain towards you...why are you so interested in checking up on my life?) But I can't stop writing just because of one person & whether they may or may not be keeping tabs. However, a new blog URL is coming in the future for both mine & Eden's blog, so if you subscribe to my blog I think you're gonna have to do it all over again, my apologies, but that seems like the best thing for myself & my daughter at this point. So enough of that! I wanna talk about a major epiphany that I had this week....

A very passively aggressive angry person called me the other day. We exchanged "pleasantries". Talked about a couple of important things that have been a source of contention between us lately. And then something happened:

Angry Person: blah blah blah blah. I gotta tell you something tho.
Me: What's that?
AP: I think you're being very selfish and ungrateful and ---
*something clicks in Moe's mind*
Me: You know, respectfully this is where I have to go. I'm not gonna stand here [i was in the middle of running errands] and listen to you say things to me & about me that I feel are untrue. You have a nice night. 
*click*

Not sure why it took 25yrs, could be because of a conversation I had with a friend earlier that day. But either way, I'm glad it clicked. For most of my life, I've always cared too much about what people think about me. Sometimes even altering my behavior just so that others could be happy. But you know what...EVERYONE (& their mama) has an opinion of who they think you are as a person. But that doesn't mean that they're right or that you have to entertain it. Had I let that conversation finish out, I probably would've been pissed off for the rest of the day that this person was saying these things about me & then I would have probably started to question myself and wonder if what they were saying was true. BUT by cutting it off before the foolishness continued I was able to go on pleasantly with the rest of my day and I'm sure it pissed the other person off, so that was an added perk ;)

Now I admit, sometimes you do need a friend to tell you about yourself. Because you may not be able to see your downfalls. I've called people out. And I've been called out before as well. I think their approach, your relationship with the person, and context will determine whether or not you should tune them out. And somebody telling you about yourself is NOT them attacking you. So this wasn't an instance of a caring friend trying to help me, it was just an angry person who doesn't think they're angry trying to make me feel bad about myself. I won't allow it.

How does the cliché/internet quote go? ---"What you think of me is none of my business". lol. These days, I care about how my mother sees me (because I'm a reflection of her and how she raised me & I need her like never before, so i'm not burning bridges lol). I care about what my daughter will think of me (because I'll be the first example to her of how someone should conduct themselves & I want her to be raised with great morals). And most importantly, I care about how I'm seen in the eyes of God. Because ultimately I'm living this life to please Him. Nobody else. So if you think i'm mean, bossy, selfish, ungrateful, a b!tch, or even the GREATEST PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH....you're entitled to your OPINION. Because Monique knows WHO she is and WHOSE she is.....