It's ok, you can judge me

Ok so over the past few months, reading different books, searching websites & forums, shopping in the baby section & having conversations with friends. The controversial subject has come up, a subject that I had NO CLUE was controversial....baby "leashes". You know, these things:

It's actually a "harness" & not a leash, but tomato/tomah-to

Anyway, pre-pregnancy when I would see a kid in the store/park/amusement park with one of these things on, I thought it was the cutest thing ever! Little animal safety backpacks. But apparently there's a large population of people who HATE these things! "You have a child, not an animal" "If they're that poorly behaved that they can't accompany you in a grocery store w/o a leash, stay at home". To those people I say...kiss my butt. hehehe. Eden WILL have a monkey backpack (or leash, whatever you wanna call it) & I dont care who doesn't like it or who talks sideways about it. So feel free to stare & judge me. I don't care. I seriously don't see what the big deal is!

I've never had kids before. But in my experience, when they learn to walk, they just wanna run & take off. Ummmm i'm 300lbs. I'm not chasing behind ANYBODY in the zoo because they wanna get an up close look @ the lion cage! I don't wanna have to catch a 'tude with somebody in the grocery store because they didn't see her & ran her over with the cart (i've done this often lol.) I'm also not gonna keep hollering "Eden, come back". And i don't wanna keep hearing "Mommy, i wanna get down" when i make her sit in the cart/stroller. So in an effort to allow Eden to have her freedom to walk like a big girl & also keep me sane by knowing that she's not just gonna run off. I want a backpack! I'm also a fan of the notion of just letting her walk sans backpack but bringing it with us as a deterrent. You know, "Eden, if you don't stay close & hold mommy's hand you're going to have to get back in the cart/stroller or wear [insert cute name that we'll give to the monkey pack].

I know my child isn't an animal. I'm going to do my best to make sure she has public manners. But at the end of the day, she's a kid, one minute they're well behaved, the next, their psycho switch has flipped & their off hiding in some clothes rack or something. So if i want her to wear a monkey backpack for a little while, then guess what....she shot out of my lady parts so nobody has a right to tell me what TO or NOT to do with my daughter. I also realize with parenting, you kinda just realize that people are always gonna have an opinion....and it's just THAT...an opinion.

Besides....i'm not gonna drag her across the floor like this mother of the year.

Where's child services?

What are your thoughts on the harness/leashes?

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they say if you are afraid that you won't be a good mother, chances are you will be a great one. Because "bad" mother's don't care what kind of mother's they are/will be. By now, most of the world knows my "secret". & if you've been living under a facebook rock, yes, I'm going to be a mom in a few short months. i've felt a lot of things in such a short time. Disappointment (i feel like i let myself & my family down). Disbelief (there's really a baby in there?) Stress (#penispeople & i'mma leave it at that). Anger (this could have been prevented). Depression. & more...I think excitement just kicked in a couple of weeks ago. the most prevalent feeling though: Terror. (wayyyy too many unknowns & that's NOT a good thing for someone who needs to know what's next, how's A-B-C gonna happen? and if you've been a reader...trusting God obviously one of my biggest struggles but i'm sure gonna be the greatest lesson i learn through all this.).

For anyone who knows me, knows that i don't do kids. They're messy. Noisy and sometimes flat out annoying. and i'd rather just not deal with them until they hit about 12. 13 maybe? Babies freak me out bcuz they're small & they randomly cry & u have to be a mind reader to figure out what in the world are they crying for?! wet? no. hungry? prob not. did you just get stung by a bee? unlikely. oh u just wanna be picked up? *picks up baby & stares at it awkwardly* ok, now what? TALK TO IT!?! "ummm sooo what do you think about the new season of Nurse Jackie?" oh baby talk.. ummm "goo goo ga ga?" so yeah, moe. a mom. idk abt that one.

i think growing up i was always that "mother figure" in whatever group of friends i attached myself to at the time. bossy. always there whenever someone needed advice. cared about others more than i cared about myself. So naturally everyone says "Omg Moe, you'll be a great mom. I sure hope so.

So idk, i'm just nervous i guess. God's given me a gift. and i don't take that likely at all. Anyone can "have a baby", but like "they" say, it takes a special person to be a mom. Sooo i guess at this point all i can do is go with the flow. and do my best. It's undoubtedly going to be a challenge. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a lot of long nights, tears, and frustrations. But i've heard that being a mom is very rewarding.

It still doesnt feel real sometimes that there's a baby girl in there. Sometimes i wonder if i'm stuck inside of a dream. But then i wake up. And i see her ultrasound pics & realize...yup, there's a baby in there. Am I excited? I think so. I'm not sure yet. Ask me again in a few weeks I guess.

so yeah, this blog is kind of the abridged version of my "feelings" because there's some stuff that's only meant for God, myself, and the pages of my journal.

Oh & I've decided to chronicle "Eden's Journey" in her own blog. If you care about baby ish, feel free to bookmark it & visit. But it's mainly for me I guess to keep track of her progress (both as an inside & outside baby) and since i spend 23hrs on a computer anyway, it's easier to do here than in an actual book...for now.

Oh & i bought something for her the other day. It's prob the first & last thing i'll buy until after my baby shower. But I was bored & my hand was itching sooo i picked it up! lol [pics on Eden's blog]