hopeful. yet helpless
feeling good. but feeling bad.
wanting to break free. but feeling trapped.
same cycles of behavior.
constant depression.
perfecting my mask.
begging for someone to come in. yet keeping everyone away.
longing for love. belonging. a home.
where do i fit?
maybe i don't.
like that odd sock that was rescued from the dryer.
wanting to move forward. but stuck in the past.
guilty.
ashamed.
jumbled thoughts.
tears that refuse to fall.
in a weird place.
breathe.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Don't quit....
Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
When you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When cares are pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must,
but don't you quit!
Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he stuck it out
Don't you give up though the pace seems slow,
You might succeed with another blow,
Often the goal is nearer than
It ever seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And, he learned too late, with a groan and frown,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
You never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse that you must not quit.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
When you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When cares are pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must,
but don't you quit!
Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he stuck it out
Don't you give up though the pace seems slow,
You might succeed with another blow,
Often the goal is nearer than
It ever seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And, he learned too late, with a groan and frown,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
You never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse that you must not quit.
Monday, January 4, 2010
From a stranger...
Still feeling some hesitations about gastric bypass & weight loss in general. So i posted a discussion on OH & I got the following response:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's perfectly normal to hesitate. I hesitated & changed my mind about 4 billion times, even up to the point they were wheeling me up to the OR the day of my surgery.
It's sort of a weird thing because we know losing weight will bring us nothing but good and help us to be healthier, so why would we not want to? The best explanation I can come up with (at least for me) is the fear of the unknown. If you are like me, you've been overweight/obese your whole life...that's all I knew. It's scary to think that everything you know will change and you will become a different person quite literally overnight. I can't use my fat to hide anymore, I have to face my fears & challenges head on without the option of binge eating them away. I totally understand hesitation!
Just remember that you CAN do this. Don't make failure an option & u won't fail. Yes its hard and I struggle with something everyday but my surgery & my weight loss were the key that I was missing in my life until now. I was so depressed all the time about my weight and now I feel so free and so healthy. I'm really not super special with any magical secrets, so you and anyone can have this too if we all work hard.
Best of luck to you! I did WW & i really liked it because you can still eat real food, you'll do great.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THAT'S EXACTLY THE WORDS I NEEDED TO HEAR!!! My brother & C.M. keep telling me that they don't see why it's hesiation because this is the best thing ever. It took a complete stranger to tell me "hey, you know, it's ok to be afraid. But you can do this."...that's all I needed.
...and so the journey begins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's perfectly normal to hesitate. I hesitated & changed my mind about 4 billion times, even up to the point they were wheeling me up to the OR the day of my surgery.
It's sort of a weird thing because we know losing weight will bring us nothing but good and help us to be healthier, so why would we not want to? The best explanation I can come up with (at least for me) is the fear of the unknown. If you are like me, you've been overweight/obese your whole life...that's all I knew. It's scary to think that everything you know will change and you will become a different person quite literally overnight. I can't use my fat to hide anymore, I have to face my fears & challenges head on without the option of binge eating them away. I totally understand hesitation!
Just remember that you CAN do this. Don't make failure an option & u won't fail. Yes its hard and I struggle with something everyday but my surgery & my weight loss were the key that I was missing in my life until now. I was so depressed all the time about my weight and now I feel so free and so healthy. I'm really not super special with any magical secrets, so you and anyone can have this too if we all work hard.
Best of luck to you! I did WW & i really liked it because you can still eat real food, you'll do great.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THAT'S EXACTLY THE WORDS I NEEDED TO HEAR!!! My brother & C.M. keep telling me that they don't see why it's hesiation because this is the best thing ever. It took a complete stranger to tell me "hey, you know, it's ok to be afraid. But you can do this."...that's all I needed.
...and so the journey begins.
need help being happy....
...i sure know i do sometimes! I stumbled across this article & thought that while everything on this list is common sense really it's pretty genius. Sooo i thought i'd share :)
1.Be your own BFF (best friend forever).[[had to make that one big bcuz i think it's the most important lol]] Enjoy your own company. Embrace everything about you! Without a doubt, it's the most important step towards being a happy person.
2.Smile, giggle, snicker, or chuckle!Smiling releases serotonin in the brain, which instantaneously gives your mood a lift.
3. Dream big in every area of life.Set your life in motion and manifest your heart's desire.
4. Shut the doors and the windows tight! And then put on your favorite song and sing out loud. Let it rip!
5.Cook a healthy, delicious meal. Serve it up pretty and savor the flavor, one bite at a time.
6.Expect a miracle. Believe that something wonderful will happen for you today. The universe is waiting to shower happy blessings on you.
7. Meditate, pray and chant. Research shows that people who are spiritual tend to be happier and healthier than those who are not.
8. Pull up your best pair of warm socks. Wiggle your toes and enjoy a cozy kind of bliss.
9.Sleep baby sleep. Seven or eight hours each night should increase your energy and decrease your moodiness.
10. Count your blessings daily. Gratitude, the emotion of thankfulness, is one of the key ingredients for living a happy life. Make gratitude a habit and happiness will be yours.
11. Wake up early!Start the day off on a happy foot, with a happy thought. The morning hours are full of spiritual energy and prana (life force).
12.Let the sun shine in20 minutes of sunlight per day improves mood and wards of Seasonal Affection Disorder (SAD).
13.Take a hot bath. Feel the tension melt away as you sink into a pool of happiness.
14.Say "Good Job!" Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back. Recognize your accomplishments and positive qualities.
15.Happiness is contagious! Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values, your goals and dreams.
16.Grow a garden.Watching plants grow and thrive under your care is thrilling!
17.Pencil in 'quiet' time on your calendar. Each and every day sit, without television, without magazines, without the Internet. Just be!
18.Look to the future. Set goals and then make plans to succeed and take action. Pursuing something we value always makes us happy.
19.Accept what you cannot change. Don't waste your precious time, energy or thoughts on something that is beyond your control. Let it go.
20.Curl up on a comfy sofa. Get lost in the pages of a romance novel. Feel the love!
21.Love. Love who you are. Love what you are doing. Love the person your with. Love your friends and your enemies, too. Love! Love! Love!
1.Be your own BFF (best friend forever).[[had to make that one big bcuz i think it's the most important lol]] Enjoy your own company. Embrace everything about you! Without a doubt, it's the most important step towards being a happy person.
2.Smile, giggle, snicker, or chuckle!Smiling releases serotonin in the brain, which instantaneously gives your mood a lift.
3. Dream big in every area of life.Set your life in motion and manifest your heart's desire.
4. Shut the doors and the windows tight! And then put on your favorite song and sing out loud. Let it rip!
5.Cook a healthy, delicious meal. Serve it up pretty and savor the flavor, one bite at a time.
6.Expect a miracle. Believe that something wonderful will happen for you today. The universe is waiting to shower happy blessings on you.
7. Meditate, pray and chant. Research shows that people who are spiritual tend to be happier and healthier than those who are not.
8. Pull up your best pair of warm socks. Wiggle your toes and enjoy a cozy kind of bliss.
9.Sleep baby sleep. Seven or eight hours each night should increase your energy and decrease your moodiness.
10. Count your blessings daily. Gratitude, the emotion of thankfulness, is one of the key ingredients for living a happy life. Make gratitude a habit and happiness will be yours.
11. Wake up early!Start the day off on a happy foot, with a happy thought. The morning hours are full of spiritual energy and prana (life force).
12.Let the sun shine in20 minutes of sunlight per day improves mood and wards of Seasonal Affection Disorder (SAD).
13.Take a hot bath. Feel the tension melt away as you sink into a pool of happiness.
14.Say "Good Job!" Give yourself permission to pat yourself on the back. Recognize your accomplishments and positive qualities.
15.Happiness is contagious! Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values, your goals and dreams.
16.Grow a garden.Watching plants grow and thrive under your care is thrilling!
17.Pencil in 'quiet' time on your calendar. Each and every day sit, without television, without magazines, without the Internet. Just be!
18.Look to the future. Set goals and then make plans to succeed and take action. Pursuing something we value always makes us happy.
19.Accept what you cannot change. Don't waste your precious time, energy or thoughts on something that is beyond your control. Let it go.
20.Curl up on a comfy sofa. Get lost in the pages of a romance novel. Feel the love!
21.Love. Love who you are. Love what you are doing. Love the person your with. Love your friends and your enemies, too. Love! Love! Love!
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