I honestly didn't give it much thought until I got pregnant & had to start thinking of names for my daughter. I'm sure most assumed that she'd be getting the name of her father. Just because...."that's how it works". Well, that's unacceptable to me. To me, a last name signifies family unity. A woman takes the name of her husband. They then have children and that name gets passed down. However, when making the decision to have children out of wedlock, that key familial unit is somehow broken. Not necessarily if you're living together with the intentions of getting married, but more so for children that are say, the product of a one night stand. Or you & the child's father are no longer together romantically. The family is split. In these instances, I honestly in my heart don't feel that the child having the father's last name should be something automatic. And it breaks my heart that people automatically go with what "society says" even though it might not be comfortable for them. How many women have had babies by deadbeats but still gave the kid that guy's last name. Even if your child's father ISN'T a deadbeat (because they all aren't) and you still wanted to give your kid your last name, but you didn't....because "society says"....
I'm not a man. So i don't understand the pride behind having a child carry my last name. I understand that a mother has a bond with a baby from pregnancy but most times the father doesn't feel that way & perhaps having the same last name is a way for them to feel that bond or to feel proud of their offspring. Well my dears, that's honestly a crock of shit. Yup....pure horseshit. And if you claim that you can't love a child that doesn't share your name...then you're a piece of shit as well. If the only way you can feel proud to be the father of your child/bond with them is if they have your name. Then please go back to the cave that you crawled out from because that's VERY outdated thinking. Bonds with children come from spending time with them, guiding them, and making that decision to love them. (yes, choosing to love someone is a decision....it isn't automatic).
We live in a different society than that of old. More people are choosing to forgo marriage & just co-habitate. More kids are born out of wedlock than in. We have gay & lesbian couples raising families. We have career minded women who are deciding to have children solo. We have single men raising families. Things arent the same. So to say that a child should have their father's last name because "that's the way it's always been done" is not fair. If two people aren't married....hyphenation is the only fair option. OR the child should have the name of the person who is the primary caregiver (because unfortunately there are some women who don't want to be mothers, so daddy plays both roles from day 1.) What I'm saying is, the father's name isn't any more important then the mother's name & vice versa. But if the mother (more times than not) is going to be the one staying up with the child at 2am when they have the flu. Or taking them to doctor's appts, etc....why SHOULD'NT her name be represented as well?
I was in the bank running an errand for my mom once & the teller looked at the slip & asked if I was V. Simms. I told her no, it's my mom. She said "oh ok, are you Ms Simms as well" I said no. & she asked my name because she likes to address clients by name. She said "i'm sorry, you said your mom, i assumed you were a simms too". Also one time i was in the store again, running an errand for my mom. And I had her bank card. The person asked for ID, I said it's my mom's card, she's in the car. she said "oh well do you guys have the same last name, your ID will be fine".....get where I'm going with this???? A mother's name, is just as important as the father's.
So this is why my daughter's name will be Eden Elizabeth Mackell (OR Eden Elizabeth [father's name]-Mackell/ Mackell- [father's name]. A bit of disclosure, her father doesn't agree with her having my name at all. I understand his point. But I also need him to understand mine as well. Hence the reason I mentioned previously that hyphenation is the only thing that's fair. If he can't (or refuses to) understand that....then goodbye.
I understand that i'm in the minority when it comes to this. And that's ok with me. To some people, it's just a name. It doesn't make a difference. And I agree to some extent, I'll love Eden even if her name is boo boo the fool!! But i'm not some people. I'm Monique L Mackell & this is an issue that's important to me. Am I being selfish? To some people, perhaps. Am I making a big deal out of nothing. Idk maybe so. But I'm just trying to follow my heart and what I think is right for both my daughter and myself. It hurts that I feel like most people don't understand it. But I'm about to be a mom, thick skin is needed because there are going to be plenty of decisions that I make over the course of her life that people don't necessarily agree with (monkey leashes anyone?). And at the end of the day....I'm the one taking care of her...not "people"
She doesn't have a voice right now. I have to speak for her. When she gets older if she decides that she wants just mommy's last name or just daddy's last name or she wants to be "Coco Moonblood". That's fine with me, we'll change it. Okay, maybe not the Coco Moonblood part but you get my point.....
Just needed to put that out there....get it outta my head & my heart so that I can focus on these next 2 months & getting prepared for my lil Miss....thanks for reading.
