well another year has come & gone. Praise God for allowing me to see 2010 to it's completion. Something a lot of people take for granted. I'm sure there were people who woke up on Jan 1st but didn't make it to December 31st. So for that God, I thank you & Praise you that you saw fit for me to still have life.
You know, I can definitely say that 2010 will go down probably as one of the most memorable of my life. For both good & bad reasons. Not gonna do an extensive recap because those closest to me, or heck even those who have read just a handful of my blogs know most of what went on in my life this year. I don't even think i'm gonna blog my feelings about the events that happened this year. Because it's just WAYYYYY too much. So many great things....but some less than fabulous as well. I'm just gonna say that I learned a lot. I can honestly look back from January 2010 & see how much I've grown as a person, I can also see the areas that I still need to work on. But isn't that the point of life...to be able to see progress? And 2010 was definitely a year of progress, growth, & lessons learned (painful lessons....but I don't know any lesson that doesn't come with a price). I think i definitely grew up a lot this year. Making mistakes that are reserved for people in their 20's still trying to find their way in this world. So for every mistake that I've made and every person that I've hurt, I unfortunately have to remember that it won't be the last time that I'll make a mistake or hurt someone. Will it be intentional...of course not. Because that's not the kind of person Monique is. But I'm only human & I'm doing the best that I can...the only way I know how. And beating myself up about any mistake that I've made is counterproductive. All I can do is recognize what I've done...learn from it...and move forward. Easier said than done...but that's the way it is.
I may blog more in 2011. I might not. Or maybe the direction of my blog will change. Less personal stuff. More articles/current events and my perspective on those (grad school hopefully starts soon & I need to get back into critical thinking...twitter & FB have made me CRAVE higher learning lol). All I can say is, I know that 2011 is going to be an INTERESTING year...already. lol. Trust me when I say it. I don't know WHAT it is that God has in store but I'm definitely going into this new year trusting Him to the fullest. i saw the great things He did in my life in 2010 & I know that He will continue to do great things in 2011 if not MORE! As I've mentioned in previous blogs that's always been a problem in my walk with Christ, being able to trust God completely. But Pastor Keith said something last week & a few wks ago (God doesn't NEED you to trust Him in order to do miraculous things in your life. It's for your own sanity to be able to look up & say "hey God, you know what...I trust that YOU have this. No more stressing). And I value my sanity. sooooo God...while I don't understand it & at times I may not like it. I TRUST YOU! Throughout everything I've gone through, am going through, and WILL go through. I know that you have a PURPOSE for my PAIN! And every storm & trial is only temporary. (Sn: I think i found my new church home♥)
Anyway, in the words of one Ms. Alicia Keys....Just stay tuned...cuz there's more to see....
I love you for reading....
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Why men date women w/no intentions of a relationship.......
Women can guess all kinds of things about why the men they are in a "situation" with won't ever just settle down with them and call them "girlfriend". (because yes guys, even if she says it doesn't matter. TITLES MATTER! Titles = security). The whole time we sit back & play the dutiful friend (sometimes w/benefits), pretending that it doesn't bother us when he goes out with someone else, when in our heart we are hoping & praying that one day, this guy will see the gems that we are and have a moment of awakening and say "[insert name here], let's be exclusive. you're my girl. I'm your guy". We even at times may compare ourselves to the other women that he dates & ask the age old question "what does she have that I don't?". Unfortunately for most of us, that time never comes. We leave that "situation" heartbroken & sometimes bitter, until we fall into the next situation. Instead of holding out for that relationship that we truly want. [[Notice i say WE, US, OUR, because I HAVE BEEN THERE before. You're not dumb & you're not alone.]]
I stumbled across this blog posting on twitter today. I've read articles/blogs similar to it, but they were always written from a woman's perspective. So to hear from a man is somewhat eye opening. It adds a "human perspective" to the whole situation. Often we villanize these men in our heads "he's a dog, he's selfish, I've been holdin him down all this time and blah blah blah blah" (which cld very well be true, but i'm guessing most times ppl in a "situationship" are like the woman Dr. J described below. I know I was) Never do we (women) take the responsibility to say "you know what, he's just being human. You gave him all of the benefits of a relationship without the expectations & drama. WHO in their right mind would turn that down?!? You're a great person. & While he may be perfect for you, it's either not the right time, or there is someone else out there that is MORE "perfect" for you."
Either way you can't continue to put all the fault on this guy. He's just doing HIM. You can also DO YOU...you're just choosing NOT TO! I know at times you may feel stuck in your sitatuions. but there are options...stop giving the relationship benefits & move on to find your prince (you can still maintain the friendship if u choose, after you've gotten over ur romantic feelings...trust it's possible), give that ultimatum of "look, i want a relationship, take it or leave it" (there's nothing wrong with saying that you want a relationship, if that's what you want...it's what you want. if that's not what he wants...here's a box of tissues & let's keep it moving), OR do nothing & stay stuck in your situation (but choosing this option removes your ability to complain abt y he won't "wife u up"). Either way, the blog below is one answer as to why men date a woman but doesn't want a relationship with her and it has NOTHING to do with him being a womanizing dirty dog. (There are still good guys left in the world ladies lol)
Another blog coming soon about something completely unrelated lol....sorry the first paragraph is in bold. blogger's formatting was giving me a fit today.
12/8/10
"Why men date women w/no intentions of a relationship" Written by Dr. J
I’m convinced that the tragedy for women and relationships is not that they can’t find a date. Instead, the problem is the pseudo relationships they participate in sometimes years at a time. Nod your head in agreement if you have a friend who has been in a pseudo relationship with a man for a few years and there’s no sight of a title coming her way. She has an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy, and everyone but her knows he’s never going to wife her down. There might even be a few of you reading this article right now.
I could give you a list of reasons why men don’t commit, and you’d probably say I was lying or just telling you what you wanted to hear. But why not just tell you why I did it? Let me be clear, I’m not a jerk, but I’m a man who has the right to date a woman and choose not to be in a relationship with her.
I was previously in an unhealthy relationship that left me bitter for a while; so I wasn’t looking for anything serious. After a while, my friends told me, “We don’t even think you really like women anymore.”
She was okay, I didn’t like her as much as she liked me. I probably wouldn’t be dating her if other situations in my life had worked out. That’s sign number one; I wouldn’t call her my first choice. But she would do for the time being. While I dated her, I got what men like to call a sense of security. Men will date a chick and consider her home base. In my mind, I had someone I was dating so I was able to take more risks to meet and date women who might have been out of my league. But, if all else fails, I had her to fall back on.
She was a nice girl, but something about her told me that I wouldn’t want her to be my girlfriend. She just didn’t have “it,” which is sign number two. No man can really define “it,” but they know it when they see it. She was good looking, she was well-mannered, she wasn’t crazy, she was a lot of fun, but at the end of the day she didn’t have it. I think my definition of “it” is, the power to make me stop looking for other options. I was convinced that I could do better.
The funny thing was, I was meeting and going out with other women, but none of them were making the time or putting in the effort like this girl. It was odd that I decided to chase a couple other women around, when I had a girl who wasn’t trying to give me the run around. But it made perfect sense to me.
1) She put absolutely no pressure on me to wife her down.
And here’s why it made perfect sense; she did all this because she didn’t want me to think she was crazy or possessive. Her goal was to get a man to be with her. She allowed herself to be in this situation because it was better than nothing at all. The worst part of it is I knew that. One of her friends probably told her, “If you start pressuring him or being annoying, he’s never going to wife you down.” They most likely told her that as soon as she started trying to hold me accountable for things like last minute cancellations or disappearing acts, I would likely stop calling.
Eventually, I told her I thought we should stop seeing each other because, although I liked her, I just didn’t think she would ever be my girl. I thought that she was looking for a relationship, and she was also too good of a girl to be chasing after me. She respected that and we remain friends now. Only reason I wrote this is because somebody needs to hear it from a man. Every day and every week I’m hearing another story about some woman trying to analyze the actions of the man she’s dating, who won’t take things to the next level. Most times, it’s because he has no intentions of taking it to the next level. He’s not different, scorned, or scared; he’s just not trying to do it, and you’re not requiring that he does.
I was previously in an unhealthy relationship that left me bitter for a while; so I wasn’t looking for anything serious. After a while, my friends told me, “We don’t even think you really like women anymore.”
I can’t have that! So I started dating again…
She was okay, I didn’t like her as much as she liked me. I probably wouldn’t be dating her if other situations in my life had worked out. That’s sign number one; I wouldn’t call her my first choice. But she would do for the time being. While I dated her, I got what men like to call a sense of security. Men will date a chick and consider her home base. In my mind, I had someone I was dating so I was able to take more risks to meet and date women who might have been out of my league. But, if all else fails, I had her to fall back on.
She was a nice girl, but something about her told me that I wouldn’t want her to be my girlfriend. She just didn’t have “it,” which is sign number two. No man can really define “it,” but they know it when they see it. She was good looking, she was well-mannered, she wasn’t crazy, she was a lot of fun, but at the end of the day she didn’t have it. I think my definition of “it” is, the power to make me stop looking for other options. I was convinced that I could do better.
The funny thing was, I was meeting and going out with other women, but none of them were making the time or putting in the effort like this girl. It was odd that I decided to chase a couple other women around, when I had a girl who wasn’t trying to give me the run around. But it made perfect sense to me.
1) She put absolutely no pressure on me to wife her down.
2) She asked me very few questions about things I did in our time apart. 3) She was very pleasant and always down to have a good time. 4) She was freaking reliable and dependable.
And here’s why it made perfect sense; she did all this because she didn’t want me to think she was crazy or possessive. Her goal was to get a man to be with her. She allowed herself to be in this situation because it was better than nothing at all. The worst part of it is I knew that. One of her friends probably told her, “If you start pressuring him or being annoying, he’s never going to wife you down.” They most likely told her that as soon as she started trying to hold me accountable for things like last minute cancellations or disappearing acts, I would likely stop calling.
Eventually, I told her I thought we should stop seeing each other because, although I liked her, I just didn’t think she would ever be my girl. I thought that she was looking for a relationship, and she was also too good of a girl to be chasing after me. She respected that and we remain friends now. Only reason I wrote this is because somebody needs to hear it from a man. Every day and every week I’m hearing another story about some woman trying to analyze the actions of the man she’s dating, who won’t take things to the next level. Most times, it’s because he has no intentions of taking it to the next level. He’s not different, scorned, or scared; he’s just not trying to do it, and you’re not requiring that he does.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)